Episode 7
“I won’t be able to get down on a knee if I don’t have a father’s blessing at the end of this.”
—Colton, because it’s 1819 and women are the property of their fathers
DENVER
Episode 7 brings us to Colton’s hometown of Denver, where he gets advice from fellow Denverite Bachelor (and fellow 26-year old Bachelor!), Ben Higgins. This conversation isn’t particularly illuminating but within seconds it does unfortunately remind of how natural and eloquent a Bachelor can be. Ben looks and sounds like he actually WANTS to be there, something that we rarely get from with Colton (especially not in those dreadful woe-is-me selfie videos production inexplicably thinks we want to see).
My favorite part: when Ben prepares Colton for what’s in store in the weeks to come and Colton simply cannot contain his excitement…
*gulp*
TAYSHIA’S 1-ON-1
Colton greets his girlfriends in a Denver park and promptly plucks out Tayshia for a date. The other ladies are forced to watch them walk off hand-in-hand, because this show is nothing if not unnecessarily awkward…
After a lovely day (it was legitimately a cute date), Colton gets down to business. He tells Tayshia he knows she’s not a Wrong-Reasons-er and, in continuing to be the biggest gossip of all on an already gossip-y season, outright asks her to name names. Tayshia’s in an awkward position here. My issue is not so much with the fact that she obliges (it’s different to be prompted to talk shit than to initiate it, especially when the prompter is in Colton’s position of power), but with how she words it: She speaks about Cassie and Caelynn discussing becoming Bachelorette and enjoying the perks of reality TV fame as though she’s heard it all firsthand. We’ll find out later that she hasn’t, so, being a stickler for accuracy, I really wish she’d worded this differently.
Given Cassie and Caelynn are two of his favorite girlfriends, Colton is distraught—even more distraught than his usual state of distraughtness. In a heart-shattering moment, he responds with…
The saddest smile-fade in history. :(
In the evening, the two cook salmon and foreshadow Tayshia’s Hometown by discussing her “hard-ass” father. Colton emphasizes needing the man’s blessing to propose to her despite the fact that in the same evening he says…
So many things!!! First, the order is ALL WRONG. Fall in love first, discuss proposal second. (I know, I know, hate the game, not the players.) Second, to expound on the Quote of the Week above, I have nothing against a man, out of respect, telling a woman's parents (not just her father) that he plans to propose. But it’s another thing entirely for it to be an actual requirement, like the proposal isn’t happening if the father doesn’t approve. There’s a huge difference between an act of courtesy and outdated tradition. Third, the above sentence falls squarely in my peeve zone about the structured timeline of “falling in love” on this show.
CAELYNN’S 1-ON-1
Colton takes Caelynn snowboarding but the fun and games come to an abrupt halt come the après-ski hot cocoas. Instead of just conversing with this potential fiancée-to-be and getting a gut feeling for how ready or sincere she may be, he wastes no time in reporting to Caelynn what Tayshia just told him. You know what bugs me about the constant ratting out (beyond the obvious flame stoking)? It’s that it doesn’t even make sense in terms of getting answers. Like, what woman is going to actually say, “You know what? She’s right. I’m NOT here for the right reasons. I DO want to be Bachelorette. If you were to propose, I WOULD say no.” If a person is in fact insincere, confronting them directly is the least productive way to get to the bottom of things.
Unsurprisingly, Caelynn reacts strongly. Like, really strongly. Like, calling Tayshia a “stupid bitch” strongly, something I REALLY wish she’d resisted saying. Sigh. Not really conducive to her cause. She circles back in the evening more calm and collected, and given she did the same thing in Episode 3 with Hannah B (circling back after collecting her thoughts), methinks she’s got a bit of a temper on her and she knows it. That said, as I mentioned on The Morning After, I do think a big factor at play here is the sense of betrayal. Remember, you’re living with these women. You spend so many hours with each other and in many ways know each other far better than you know the lead. In that sense, you can begin to imagine how a housemate ratting you out when they’ve had ample time and opportunity to confront you directly can feel like a double whammy betrayal.
Caelynn regains Colton’s trust by telling him exactly what he wants to hear (I’m not saying she doesn’t feel the way she says she feels, I’m saying Colton’s detective work needs work) and he gives her the rose to the tune of the following statement…
🤦🏻♀️
HANNAH B’S 1-ON-1
Before we get to Hannah B’s date, we’re shown things coming to a head between Caelynn and Tayshia. The previews have led us to believe we’re in for a super heated, confrontational exchange…
But note the two backgrounds above and the background in Caelynn’s conversation with Cassie, below. The above shot of Caelynn was clearly taken and flipped, and the audio used to make it seem like Caelynn was speaking to Tayshia directly, when she in fact wasn’t…
My biggest takeaway from this whole segment wasn’t, in fact, Caelynn’s unproductive conversation with Tayshia. What stood out to me was when Cassie said…
This sentence is a huge puzzle piece in this episode. It shows there WAS some conversation of which to speak, but that it was possibly twisted and misconstrued in some way. Throughout this whole saga, I do wish Caelynn and Cassie had been more specific about this. It would have been far more productive, instead of “it’s all lies, it’s not true”, to defend themselves with something like, “while I did talk about XYZ, it wasn’t in that context and that’s not how I meant it.”
Meanwhile, over on Hannah B’s 1-on-1, we are given the gift of my latest favorite Bachelor parent. I’ve had a few parents over the years that I’ve appreciated; it all began with Andi’s dad, Hy, followed by Ben’s mom, Amy, followed by Becca’s mom, Jill. The latest to receive some Pretty Pandas love is Colton’s dad, Scott…
First up, Hannah B says she wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for [insert lead’s name]. Now, this is a nice sentiment and all, but let’s be honest, contestants say this exact thing ALL. THE. TIME. and there’s no way to know how true it is. Yet, for the most part, parents (or the lead himself) hearing it tend to just accept it with a smile. But Colton’s dad isn’t settling for anything less than SPECIFICITY…
YAASSSS 🙌🏼
His off-the-cuff joke about chatting with Colton to tell him what he thinks of Hannah B, in front of Hannah B, is hilarious and pokes fun at the very situation they’re all in…
Best of all, Scott gives zero shits about hearsay. He doesn’t even let Colton finish, so few shits does he give. With next to no information, he cuts to the heart of the problem with the “some girls aren’t ready” drama in a matter of seconds…
Remember, we’ve watched Colton unravel and run around like a chicken with its head cut off over the same information for LITERAL WEEKS.
Scott is no-BS and it’s awesome. I know I’m officially aging out of this show when I’d rather hang out with the lead’s dad than the lead himself. 🙈And thus concludes my Ode to Colton’s dad, Scott.
As for Hannah B, man, did she get dealt a crappy hand. This wasn’t the first meet-the-parents pre-Hometown date (Nikki got this date on my season), but I think it may be the first meet-the-parents pre-Hometown date where the contestant gets eliminated. I mean, that’s pretty harsh. Anyone who gets this date thinks they’re AT LEAST getting a Hometown. It felt like they purposely raised Hannah B’s expectations and confidence to an all-time high, just to drop her like an anvil from the highest storey possible.
My favorite part was Hannah B’s deliciously honest words about the whole thing…
While writing this recap, I spent some time time thinking about the possibility of Hannah B as next season’s Bachelorette. This was thanks to Pretty Pandas reader Rachel, who wrote me with an excerpt from Reality Steve’s recap of this episode, where he included (spoiler-free) thoughts of a friend of his on Hannah B and the case for her being the next lead. I thought these were really compelling arguments, enough to include here. I know it’s a big read but it’s well-written and excellent food for thought…
“With Hannah B, there are three Bachelorette qualities the show reliably feature that they haven’t shown for others in the final four.
First, the show demographic is overwhelmingly females in their 20s, 30s, 40s. The show works with its demographic for the Bachelorette when the audience can feel empathy for the lead and relate to their story. The story is consistently that this person is struggling to find love and acceptance in the real world. The lead typically needs a win and the audience is empathetic to that. For example, we believed that Becca was left heartbroken and scarred so we wanted to see her be “given” an opportunity for a love story. However, there is no way the show can sell us on the very young models Cassie or Hannah G, or the young beauty queen Caelynn, needing the show to find their husband. These women are young and stunning. They need no help and it would be nearly impossible for the demographic to feel invested in these women in desperate need of a win in life or love. However, Hannah B – while also young and beautiful – has been shown with deep insecurities and as the one who didn’t win the crown. There’s something about her that makes you want to wrap her up in a warm blanket and just hug her tight. You feel empathy towards her feeling she’s not good enough and that she just needs a win. The producers have given us reasons to root for her. And, most women can relate to the way she has felt at one point or another – we can believe in her; because we’ve all been Hannah B at some point. (Note: I’m not including Tayshia in this point because she was already married and divorced… she had no trouble finding a husband already. She’ll find another).
Next, historically the Bachelorette is portrayed as being well-liked by the girls in the house and nearly conflict-free. We’ve seen Tayshia and Caelynn talk poorly about others. In both instances, the story line didn’t advance from including those comments. I have hard time believing the producers would put those comments in there for their Bachelorette for the same reason we never saw Rachel and Vanessa throw down on Nick’s season. But with Hannah B – the only conflict we saw was her with Caelynn and you can argue that plays into Hannah B feeling insecure and not good enough and not the winner. And in a way, she seemed railroaded by Caelynn in the end of all of that (and we saw their resolution which is something rare on this show). We also consistently see Hannah B with her arms around other girls, her friendship with Heather and Demi, etc. She is clearly a girls’ girl and liked and it makes her easy to root for her. She seems like someone we all would want to be friends with while watching from home. I’d get a drink with Hannah B which is a quality I want to see in a lead.
Last, she is literally the only person this season where we consistently see her goofy, fun personality. Without fail, every episode has had at least one clip or scene where we see her being goofy or funny or animated. She’s fun to watch and we’re getting to know Hannah B. From her being a pirate to doing Hannah Beast to her doing fighting moves with Colton….we are getting to know her bit by bit. We haven’t seen this much personality from anyone else on this show this season except for Demi (maybe) and that didn’t feel authentic. Hannah B is authentic and fun to watch. I believe the producers are giving us SO MUCH of her for a reason. They aren’t giving us that much of any of the top four – that’s for sure.
There’s my reasoning for Hannah B. And I’m pulling for her in a big way. I’m so down for a Hannah B Bachelorette season. Colton has been so boring…We need to breathe some life into next season. And life, for the audience, is not insulting our intelligence that some 23 year old model is struggling to find love…. *eye roll*”
I agree with several points here and kind of can’t believe I didn’t see them sooner. First, we have not been given almost any personality from many other women on this season, save Demi. (Who, while having gotten a personality edit, did not get a Bachelorette edit.) I can’t help but think, knowing this episode would have the potential to mar audience impressions of both Cassie and Caelynn, that ended up changing the edits they’d receive throughout the season. Tayshia’s gotten decent airtime but her involvement in the latest drama will certainly ruin her clean record. Plus, except for the credits scene from this week (where she had a stain on her jeans), we haven’t been shown much in the way of fun, goofy footage of her, either. The only completely drama-free woman remaining is Hannah G, but we haven’t seen anything to make her relatable or like someone you’d want to sympathize with and root for. (I’m not saying she’s neither of these things, I’m saying all we’ve been shown thus far has been her as a piece of meat Colton wants to hump.) Now, I also think it’s possible it could be someone else altogether. But in terms of possibilities from this crop of ladies, after reading this, it’s hard to un-imagine Hannah B and only Hannah B as Bachelorette. Your thoughts??
GROUP DATE
Colton takes his four rose-less ladies for an old-school train ride through the mountains. First up, Heather ups and leaves in the most fabulous way. She calls Colton “so special” and then, in the same sentence, just peaces out. It is GREAT.
Heather has big dick energy. Girls never been kissed and now she’s dumping #TheBachelor
— Kaitlyn Bristowe (@kaitlynbristowe) February 19, 2019
Next up on the exact same seating is Kirpa. They may have had a lovely 1-on-1 date just a week ago, but this week, her sole purpose until she's sent home is to contribute to the aftermath of The Vietnam Situation. Thus, any intel on the pink book she gives Colton during their time together is completely glossed over and left on the editing room floor...
Back with Hannah G and Cassie, Kirpa admits she just talked about Cassie. This conversation drove me crazy because, as I said over at Flare this week, it really felt like we weren’t given crucial details. Kirpa keeps alluding to things Katie told the girls, but WHAT precisely they were told is never really described or explained. I get that it’s likely some conversation between Caelynn and Cassie that is twisted in an unflattering way, but I think when it comes to anything that can affect the way millions upon millions of people view you, it’d be nice to have some clarity. You’d think this is something a few ITMs could have solved, but I guess they’re saving it for Women Tell All?
Amid Cassie and Kirpa’s heated exchange, there’s a great 4th wall moment, where the concept of being a contestant on this show and having a phone to be able to call someone with is openly deemed ridiculous…
Though he could have saved her the hours of glam and anxiety by doing this during the day, Colton waits until the evening to immediately pull Hannah G aside to bestow her with a rose. The most obviously forced Girl Chat I’ve ever seen ensues. You can see these two ladies having ZERO interest in talking, each other, or talking to each other, yet they’ve clearly been told to talk about the fact that there’s only one rose left. Kirpa takes one for the team here while all Cassie can muster is a shrug…
This whole portion of this “date” feels like the ultimate drama-milking. OF COURSE Colton gives Cassie the rose (remember, we hardly knew who Kirpa was until a week ago), and upon returning from bidding Kirpa adieu, he grins at Cassie like it was never even a question…
I want the last 10 minutes of my life back.
ICYMI, my first impressions of this episode and predictions for Hometowns can be found over at Flare.
THE FASHION
Requests
Cassie’s Marled x Olivia Culpo sweater knit jogger pants sell (on sale!) HERE.
Heather’s Marled x Olivia Culpo “Intarsia” cable sweater sells HERE.
Hannah G’s NA-KD white v-neck sweater sells HERE.
Kirpa’s sweater is by Lucky Brand but is sadly sold out (HERE).
Kirpa’s Vici Collection “Market” jacket (in Stone) sells HERE.
Cassie’s Marled x Olivia Culpo cable knit button sweater sells (on sale!) HERE.
Kirpa’s Stylestalker “Rosale” dress in Plum is for the most part sold out, but there’s one selling HERE, and it’s available for rent HERE.
Best Dressed
This is rare! I don’t have a Best Dressed this week. Nothing stood out to me as particularly amazing. I do have two Honorable Mentions, however, starting with Cassie with her Group Date jumpsuit…
I liked this. The color was great on her and the slit details were fun and different. My mind wasn’t blown or anything, but she looked lovely. Cassie’s Dainty Hooligan “Hold Me Close” jumpsuit sells HERE.
My other Honorable Mention is Tayshia with her 1-on-1 date look…
Tayshia has great, casual, not-trying-too-hard style. I love a good oversized off-the-shoulder piece and this open knit sweater really popped on her. Tayshia’s Free People “Halo” knit sweater is sadly sold out (HERE) but there’s one in Sand still available HERE.
Worst Dressed
I have two fashion culprits this week. I know reviews on Hannah B’s departure dress were mixed but I’m afraid I fall into the “dislike” category…
For what it’s worth, a close girlfriend who has fabulous style texted me saying she loved this dress and wanted to know the designer. And I do respect the risk taken here. I always prefer gutsy fashion choices—even if they’re fails—over NO fashion choices. However, I just don’t love this. The color is off and feels more Pepto Bismol than a fabulous pop of color. The puffed shoulders and the shine of the fabric feel like a “princess” Halloween costume. This dress is the opposite of elegant and understated. Finally, given the formality of the dress, her hair should be at least somewhat dressier than it was as she wore it by day with a sweatshirt and jeans. If you disagree with me and, like my girlfriend, love this dress: you can find Hannah B’s Rachel Zoe “Rosalie” gown HERE.
Next is Colton with his jacket from Hannah B’s 1-on-1…
I’ll never understand why designers choose to ruin perfectly good clothes with senseless “details”. Paint splatters are not fashion! (At least not when they just look like accidental paint splatters!) This doesn’t look stylish… it just looks damaged. This jacket is why people wear ratty throwaway clothes when they paint their walls. If you disagree with me and for some reason love this jacket, you can find it HERE.
Until next week, fellow pandas!
