Episode 10: Finale
It’s funny. I go into every finale recap thinking, “THIS time will be different. I’ll get this one out within a week! THIS IS THE ONE.” And I hustle and get it 80-90% done within a week, only to seriously struggle to actually complete it.
Obviously, this one’s a special case. Isn’t it nuts to think that when I published my last full recap, for Episode 9, how different our world looked then than it does today? We were still eating out at restaurants, we still knew where our next paycheck was coming from, we were seeing friends on the regular and going on trips. Andy and I have begun referring those days as “The Before Time”. :(
I found out early this week that my next opera has been cancelled, and although I knew it was coming, I can’t help but be devastated. Not only because I was legitimately really looking forward to that one (I’ve had the contract for 2 years and it’s my all-time favorite role to sing), but because as a performer, I only get paid when I perform. It’s a huge payday to lose, as I know my fellow artists and creative types understand. Of course, mine is just one of millions of similar stories, many of which are far worse than mine. We’ve all had to make jarring adjustments to how we live, how we connect with one another, both how we spend our money and our time, how we plan our lives.
Despite technically having had the time to work on this recap, it has felt like an olympic feat. It has been difficult to focus on something like this when so many more important and pressing concerns are on or in the back of my mind. Also, fun fact about me: Even without COVID-19 on the brain, I have never, ever been able to work from home. I’m one of those people who pays for a yearly subscription to a co-working space. I swear, I get more done in one hour there than I do in 4 hours at home. Even when I’m on a gig, I work from coffee shops and restaurants. I’m just one of those weirdos who can’t sit at home (or wherever “home” is for me at that time) and not get distracted by the many suddenly enticing household-y things I could be doing. (My next project will be cleaning out my closet and listing things on Poshmark, a task so daunting that the recap actually came first! 😅)
Before I get this show on the road, I just want to say: This post is more of an excuse to connect with you guys than anything. I know you’d rather a late recap than no recap at all, and I so appreciate that. What got me through this was knowing how badly all of us can use a bit of distraction right now, the kind that connects you to others and makes you think and puts your real life issues on hold, even if only for a short while. So if this silly Bachelor recap can give your mind a short vacay, I’m happy to be of service.
PS—When you comment this week, if you care to (totally understand if not!), please share with me a slice of what your life looks like right now. It can be brief, vague, long, or detailed. But our little Bachelor family really does mean so much to me, and I for one would like to hear how you’ve been affected, how and if you’re still able to work, what books/shows you’re consuming, how you’re eating (I’ve never cooked so much in my life), if you’re lonely or if, perhaps, you kind of love the alone time.
PPS—As you may already know, I joined not one but TWO excellent podcasts to recap this finale. Click HERE to listen to my rundown with Emma Gray and Leigh Blickley (in for new mom Claire Fallon) on the Here To Make Friends podcast, and HERE for my chat with spoiler whisperer Reality Steve on his podcast.
PPPS—In case you’re interested, I want to mention that this extra time has meant me finally catching up on the blog! I’ve gotten around to completing my annual “New Additions” post, along with some fashion posts (which many of you have been requesting, which is so sweet!). I’ve had a backlog of blog content for awhile so there will definitely be much more to come while in self-quarantine.
PPPPS—This is a ridiculous number of postscripts, but in case you’re in the market for further distraction, I can confirm that I WILL be recapping The Bachelor’s upcoming spinoff show, Listen To Your Heart, over at Flare. As of now it also looks like there might also be video recaps. Yay escapism!
And now, let’s recap…
PETER CHATS WITH THE FAM
Rewinding 4 long hours brings us all the way back to Peter greeting his family in Australia and telling them about the two ladies he’s narrowed things down to. And though the following .GIF isn’t particularly funny or interesting, it zeroes in on what I think is arguably Peter’s biggest mistake of the season (which is saying something)…
I touched on this over at Flare, but I personally don’t think Peter should have told his parents about this ultimatum. Of course, I realize there are a million and one factors at play and it’s possible his producer encouraged him to get their opinion on this or something. Also, I’m not suggesting that had Peter kept this to himself, that he and Madison would be living happily ever after today. However, given what we now know about Peter’s mother, Barbara, and the type of person her behavior and choices have suggested she is, Peter should have known better. He’s a 27-year old man who LIVES WITH HER and knows her better than any of us. He should have known his mother can’t remain objective and unbiased and un-hyper-protective when sharing even the most mildly negative or questionable detail about a woman he’s dating. I’d wager she’s probably already one of those mothers who tends to feel no woman will ever be good enough for her son. Just a hunch.
As an aside, am I the only one who simply wouldn’t have told my parents any aspect of Fantasy Suites? I know every family’s different, but it would not be normal in my family to talk about this so openly. (That’s not to say my family isn’t close and we don’t talk about all sorts of things, but sex just isn’t one of them!) Albeit, my dad barely even watched my own season because he had to leave the room every time I made out with Juan Pablo, so take this opinion with a grain of salt. 😂
An editing observation: note Peter’s parents’ response to the above .GIF…
To me, the above sounds like it’s in response to Madison’s virginity and the saving-for-marriage thing, but this is something we weren’t even shown Peter revealing. (The first .GIF shows him describing the ultimatum, NOT her virginity.) I always tend to feel these meet-the-parents scenes are hyper-edited, bordering on sloppy, and this one is evidently no exception.
HANNAH ANN MEETS THE FAM
Not much to observe about this meet-and-greet other than the fact that Hannah Ann is the DREAM daughter-in-law candidate for a mother like Barbara: deeply emotionally invested in Peter, not at all hesitant to express that emotional investment, and tirelessly respectful of Barbara and Peter Sr. Hell, just based on this alone, if I were a mother, I’d probably prefer Hannah Ann, too.
Also, it would appear Peter and Hannah Ann have perfected the good ol’ opera embrace…
Always love when I can make opera references in a Bachelor recap! :)
MADISON
Madison arrives for her parental meet-and-greet, but since these two hadn’t had a conversation since that Fantasy Suite dinner chat, there’s business to get down to first. I personally liked how Madison didn’t let Peter off the hook easy here. He might have assumed that her accepting a rose at the last Rose Ceremony would indicate her forgiveness, but she wasn’t afraid to stand her ground and share with him WHY what he did was hurtful. My favorite moment was when she said what I’ve been saying about Peter all season…
As well-meaning a guy as Peter seems on the whole, he really has proven selfish throughout this season. He has routinely put his feelings and so-called needs above those of his women, which fine, maybe you could say is OK when there are still a dozen ladies remaining. But when it’s a matter of disregarding an explicit (and IMO reasonable) request of the woman you claim to want a future with, because you’re the Bachelor and you can get away with it… well, that’s just plain entitlement. I went on and on about Peter and Little Peter two weeks ago so I’ll save my breath now. You guys know where I stand on this.
Peter defends himself with Exhibit A of this finale’s Things Peter Says And Does That Make Me Cray™…
I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise that this response bugged the hell out of me. Notice how he subtly turns this on HER—she’s the one who hadn’t expressed to him how she feels (code for using the L-word), therefore poor, lost Peter had no choice but to hedge his bets and have sex with other women, to “explore those relationships”? Ugh, cry me a river. Don’t be fooled: This isn’t a defense, this is manipulation. Peter is sidestepping taking responsibility, insinuating Madison’s lack of the right language somehow led him to do what he did. Peter is SO focused on Words of Affirmation, of HEARING Madison saying the L-word. IT’S JUST A WORD. You know what’s more important than words? ACTIONS.
Madison has shown plenty of affection and investment in Peter this season—Peter himself had even claimed their relationship was “perfect” and that she’d been there for him throughout it all. If he really was so hung up on her not having said she loved him, he should have expressed that immediately when she first brought up her Fantasy Suite ultimatum. He should have played an active role, saying something along the lines of, “I’m willing to do anything for this relationship, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” It was just too easy for him to play clueless and then defend his actions by putting it on her afterwards. He clearly chose to beg for forgiveness rather than ask for permission.
As I’ve mentioned before, a case could even be made that a contestant who IS awfully willing to use the L-word could prove less likely to be there for the Right Reasons—it’s easy to say you “love” someone, far easier than it is to show/prove it. The whole thing is especially rich coming from Peter, who has consistently used words thoughtlessly (using some variation on the L-word with THREE women), and as we’d learn with Hannah Ann later, carelessly using words to keep her by his side even though he had one foot out the door. I’ll circle back to this.
Peter chips away at Madison and she gradually softens. Watching this back, and after witnessing the breakup with Hannah Ann later, I have thoughts on Peter and how he deals with conflict of the being-in-the-doghouse variety. I could be wrong (I hope I’m wrong, in fact), but it feels like Peter’s been told his whole life that he’s a “nice guy”, a “good guy”, and at this point he reeeally believes it... when in reality, he’s just a self-centered, average dude. (Again, I’m basing this on how he appears on the show—perhaps he doesn’t carry this entitlement in real life? I hope not.) So when Hannah Ann was so pissed with him during the break up, he couldn’t reconcile that. He thought more explaining, sweet-talking, and apologizing should soften her. In this scene, too, Peter woos Madison back with more explaining, sweet-talking, apologizing. You don’t actually get the impression he regrets what he did and wouldn’t do it again.
Madison finally surrenders and mentions in passing that she officially does “love” Peter, saying, “I was going to tell you I love you that night”. Now, there is a big difference between a wistful “I was going to tell you I love you” and an “I love you”. But to Peter, there evidently is no difference, and his response just about made me want to vom…
🤢
First, note the body language here. Madison is still pissed at him, but he’s coaxing forgiveness out of her by showing his elation at her use of the L-word. Second, Peter’s “How much do you love me?” brings me back to Episode 8, when Peter interrupted Kelsey to ask her “How much DO you love me?” The man has perfected the art of needy fishing. VOM, I SAY.
Isn’t it amazing how, in Episode 5, Kelsey was able to knock on Peter’s door to dispel drinking problem rumors, yet at FINAL TWO, Madison somehow couldn’t be given a separate time—not piggybacked off meeting Peter’s parents—to chat things out with Peter? (Part of me wonders if either of them asked for this. If they didn’t, they should have.) It was just such a recipe for disaster, for these two to have what we’d later find out was in the ballpark of a 3-hour long conversation, while Peter’s family could do nothing but wait. Yes, that patience-testing waiting game what every contestant on this show goes through. (Barb’s anger about this certainly puts into perspective how infuriating the average contestant experience is.) However, it’s not difficult to see why these beginnings (aided by Peter revealing this relationship’s hiccups) might further worsen the impression Madison would make on Peter’s family. I’m not even taking into account Madison’s lack of an apology—if my mother were in Barb’s position, she most definitely would have preferred Hannah Ann to the sheer difficulty that this delay obviously represents. Every parent wants their child’s life to be easy.
MADISON MEETS THE FAM
I rewatched Peter and Madison greeting his parents because I wanted to truly observe Madison’s behavior and see if she really was as unapologetic and uncaring as Barbara claimed. At first I wondered if Madison even knew Peter’s parents had waited for them that entire time. But upon entering Peter said, “Sorry we had you waiting so long”, suggesting they did know.
There’s an interesting (and very detailed) discussion to be had here about this: Do we think Madison should have apologized for Peter’s family having to wait 3 hours?
Obviously the wait was not Madison’s fault directly—it was the timing, which is entirely production’s fault. That said, I don’t think there’s harm in apologizing to someone when you’ve kept them waiting, whether or not it’s your fault. This could be my Canadian-ness talking, and I am absolutely the kind of person who apologizes even when I don’t need to, so this is another opinion to take with a grain of salt. But look, if I’m late to meet someone and the reason behind my tardiness is not remotely my fault—NYC-ers know the train is almost always at fault—I would still apologize. I remember meeting a Bachelor alum for the first time and she had kept me waiting 2 HOURS with hardly a message or explanation other than casually saying traffic was bad. I was, for a lack of a better word, irked. When you keep someone waiting in the realm of hours, regardless of whose implicit fault it is or what outside factors were at play—in my world, anyway—that’s something you apologize for. I’m not saying apologize profusely for something you had no control over. In my eyes, it’s not a matter of groveling, but rather courtesy.
To me it’s clear Madison is not the type who apologizes unless she truly feels she has wronged someone and has something to apologize for. Her repeated, “I’m not going to apologize for…” on the subject of Fantasy-Suite-Ultimatum-Gate (rather than just reemphasizing her view) suggests this.
So, it’s not that I’m siding with Barb in the whole finasco, but you can see how a subtle difference of opinion on what circumstances entail an apology could turn this into a discussion on social graces. And if you’re Barb, the mother of the man these women are dating, and therefore the one you’d think the women should try to impress, it’s not a stretch to see how her feathers would be ruffled at not feeling treated with that utmost courtesy.
Peter sits down to chat with his brother, and Jack promptly addresses a very valid concern…
I find it funny that his own brother would say Peter is “obviously” “very physical” in his relationships. It just really feels like this whole family is really up on Peter’s boning history. Second, watch Peter’s response…
The above is Exhibit B of this finale’s Things Peter Says And Does That Make Me Cray™. There is a difference between making compromises in a relationship and compromising your needs in a relationship. Jack’s question is a reasonable one: he’s saying that, with Peter’s sexual history (apparently a very active one of which his entire family is aware), has Peter really thought through the reality of Madison waiting for marriage to have sex? Look, if Peter really was totally sold on Madison, then of course, a period of pre-marriage abstinence would be a drop in the bucket versus a lifetime of happiness together. But if that were his mindset, he should have just countered with that explanation. Instead, Peter goes with a defensive-sounding argument that sounds like a default response to any generic concern or misgiving: that compromising is “what all relationships are.” Not only is his reply not actually answering Jack’s question, it shows how off-base and inexperienced he is in how he views relationships.
It’d be impossible to use .GIFs on Madison’s sit-down with Barbara so I thought it best to write out the exchange. My commentary is in parentheses…
Barbara: I understand that you’re very religious, alright? Peter, you know, he’s very spiritual, like I’m very spiritual. But I just wonder how important it would be for you to have someone that’s not on your same level of faith, because it’s completely—that one is completely different. (LOVE that Barbara asks this—it’s been the elephant in the room since Madison first revealed how religious she is, and you guys have [rightfully] been mentioning it in the comments for many weeks now.)
Madison: Yeah, yeah.
Barbara: And Peter’s lifestyle, I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but he socializes, he parties. Seems like you two would have a little bit—actually, not a little bit, quite a bit different lifestyles. (Completely valid.)
Madison: Yeah, absolutely.
Barbara: And I don’t want anyone to change him. Because he is who he is and we love him the way he is. (As much as I feel for Barb with this sentiment—I’m sure many mothers can relate—this is our first hint that Barbara might not be cool with the changes ANY woman would bring. She basically wants someone to fit into their family and lifestyle like a puzzle piece, not realizing that a serious relationship/fiancée/wife WILL 100% change Peter and the dynamic in this family, at least to some degree, given he still lives with his parents. Let’s say Peter did end up with Hannah Ann; can you imagine Barbara still being 100% cool if it meant Peter moving to Tennessee for her? Doubtful.) I respect you for your values, and if I didn’t want to go to the Fantasy Suite because I was you, I understand that. But to tell someone else, when there are other girls that he has very strong feelings for, whether he wants to get physical with them or emotional, that’s up to him. (THIS is why Peter should have kept his mouth shut about Fantasy-Suite-Ultimatum-gate. There was no way a mother like Barbara would stay in the sidelines and just get to know Madison on a pure level, untainted by this information. Also note how she’s recapping what happened with the most basic, detail-less version of what actually happened—Madison didn’t TELL Peter to do or to not do anything, she told him how she would feel and likely react IF he did do those things. There is a difference. But being a protective [and, from what we can tell, a potentially over-involved] mother, Barbara just goes out swinging, and her information sounds like it’s gone through a game of Telephone. Again, given how well Peter knows Barbara and the fact that he has likely juggled her and other girlfriends before this, Peter should have known this would happen. But we know by now Peter doesn’t think a few steps ahead, ever.) You know. So—
Madison: Right. But, also, at the same time my expectations and feelings are valid just as much as his. And I totally get that’s his journey but it’s also mine. And I have the standards that I have. I’m not going to apologize for that. I’m not going to be ashamed of that, or be remorseful— (Madison is forced to go both on the defensive and offensive here, neither of which will land well with Barb. But Madison has pretty much no choice, unless she’s to simply tell Barb what she wants to hear and not defend a) her side of the story, and b) her point of view.)
Barbara: You shouldn’t be!
Madison: … because I didn’t tell him what to do. All I said was, “It’s going to be hard for me to continue to work through this if this happens, but I just want to be open and honest about how it will make me feel.” And that’s all I wanted to do.
If the above isn’t sufficient proof that Peter should have kept Madison’s Fantasy Suite-related issues to himself, the following is…
Bottom line: If the rest of the relationship is and has been “absolutely perfect” and these hiccups are so irrelevant, they should have been irrelevant enough to keep to his damn self. What’s interesting is Peter is sweeping under the rug what these concerns represent (a difference in values) and which is what his family immediately zeros in on. But because they’re not telling him what he wants to hear, they must be “caught up on this”, unable to “see past this”.
On the topic of “DOn’T LeT Her GooOooooOooo” (of which I refuse to make a .GIF!): as much as I can see where Peter’s family’s coming from in their concern, IMO, this was a clear crossing of the line on Barb’s part. It’s one thing to voice a preference in women (à la Arie’s parents) but another thing entirely to sob hysterically about who your son should or shouldn’t choose. It’s clear Barb is making this a bit too much about her and her preferences, on top of having dramatic flair. Whose “journey” is this, after all? Even if Peter chooses the “wrong” woman, isn’t that his mistake to make, his lesson to learn? I’m reminded of so many parents of seasons past who said things along the line of, “I trust my son/daughter and his/her judgment”. (The prime example of this was Andi’s father, Hy.) Where’s that trust? Considering Peter’s a full-fledged adult, there’s an alarming lack of trust in Peter and his ability to make decisions, which unfortunately lines up well with the lack of trust and conviction we’ve seen Peter posses in HIMSELF all season.
MADISON’S FINAL DATE
Peter takes Madison for a helicopter ride over Uluru, and in telling her its history, inadvertently reveals he may not be quite as on the same page with her as he thinks…
This is a question for my religious readers, since you guys know by now that is not my area of expertise. But with something like the above, is it not a given that Madison would believe in creationism? Like, what would be her view on Uluru being 550 million years old? And from there, how would that translate in a real life relationship with someone who doesn’t hold those beliefs? I gather Madison’s being polite in the above clip, but it really got me thinking about how much deeper this difference in views might run than just whether or not Peter would join her at church on Sundays.
As if having heard my thoughts, as Madison proceeds to break up with Peter after a (very buggy) sparkling apple juice toast, she says the following…
The above shows foresight on Madison part that frankly, we haven’t seen from Peter. It often takes people YEARS to figure this out, that opposites may attract, but when it comes to values and priorities and lifestyle, standing the test of time usually comes from seeing eye to eye. Of course, there are exceptions and people make it work, but as Madison aptly put it, it is often not without plenty of “overtime” work spent merely trying to understand (or accepting not understanding) each other.
HANNAH ANN’S FINAL DATE
Poor Hannah Ann. Girl got the short end of the airtime stick in this part of the finale. Honestly, the only thing I remember about this date were adorable baby kangaroos…
… and the fact that Peter looked EXHAUSTED the entire time. I’ve said time and again that, as an introvert, to me the most unappealing part of being the lead would be having to put on a smile and embark on a full day with someone when maybe all you want to do that day is stay home and wallow. Post being broken up with, Peter did NOT look like he wanted to be there, and I felt for the guy.
THE PROPOSAL
We’re FINALLY at Part 2 of this neverending finale and, despite how Part 1 ominously wrapped, this episode begins as though there’s not a care in the world. Peter has suddenly realized Hannah Ann is the undisputed woman for him and he’s all in on proposing to her. Alas, since not a single aspect of this season can go without producer meddling, Chris Harrison arrives to inform Peter that he’s “not positive” Hannah Ann’s coming to this proposal at all. Two things stood out to me about the following moment. First, I laughed out loud at Chris’ oh-so-sympathetic reaction to Peter saying he might faint…
Second, note how Peter’s FIRST reaction to this news was to ask if Hannah Ann knew Madison had left. This is our giveaway that Peter knew deep down that Madison’s departure was pertinent information Hannah Ann deserved to know, or at the very least, even subconsciously, that it was information he was intentionally keeping from her. You might say he didn’t realize the relevancy of that intel, but his instinctive question above gives away that he did.
As I said over on both podcasts, I seriously doubt Hannah Ann considering not coming ever actually happened. Sure, Hannah Ann was shown having some worry and doubt, but none of it was out of the ordinary for a contestant in the Final 2. (If Hannah Ann was actually feeling doubt to the extent where she debated not coming, BELIEVE ME, we would have been shown that!) I think Chris Harrison was sent out there to a) add some 11th hour drama (check), and b) get a big breakdown out of Peter, which of course would be used ad nauseam to tease this “shocking” season in previews (check).
While wondering if Hannah Ann will arrive, Peter rests his weary head and tries to remain calm. This brings us to Exhibit C of Things Peter Says And Does That Make Me Cray™…
Um…? WHERE’S THE CONCERN FOR HANNAH ANN? Notice how it’s all about HIM. Peter says it makes “no sense” that Hannah Ann wouldn’t be arriving, which I happen to agree with, but frankly that’s not how he should see it! His first instinct, if he legit loves her, should be concern, period. It’s clear Peter sees Hannah Ann as a sure thing for HIM, but shouldn’t he instead be concerned as to why she might be having these misgivings? Shouldn’t he be worrying about her state of mind? It’s the last thing HE needed to hear right now? What about HER??? Where’s the curiosity, the desire to help, the selflessness that you’d hope your fiancé-to-be would feel towards you upon hearing you might not even SHOW UP TO BE PROPOSED TO? The above reeks of self-pity and that entitlement I’ve said time and time again I feel Peter possesses as Bachelor.
Hannah Ann does, of course, show up, and it’s as though nothing has happened. (Because nothing did happen.) I think we all got a much-needed laugh when she called Chris Harrison “Chris Harrison”…
In Hannah Ann’s world everyone has two first names.
You guys, this proposal was weird. As Reality Steve pointed out when we chatted on his podcast, we never actually heard from Hannah Ann. She just showed up and was spoken to and proposed to. But still, that paled in comparison to the weirdness that was Peter’s proposal speech. Why Peter felt it was appropriate to tell Hannah Ann in this moment that Madison had left is beyond me. (He should have told her during their last date.) The big discussion, though, was whether or not Peter accidentally called Hannah Ann “Madison” during his speech…
There are reasonable cases to be made for this. The wording is strange. The long pauses and disjointed sentence are strange. Choosing to bring this up DURING A PROPOSAL SPEECH is very strange. The music stopped just before he said “Madison”, which adds to the WTF factor of this moment and really does make it seem like a mistake. All that said, I don’t actually think Peter accidentally called Hannah Ann Madison. Maybe I’m just too much of a skeptic, but as I said on RS’ podcast, it just feels too good to be true from a TV drama perspective for the Bachelor to accidentally say the wrong name during his proposal. It’s far more likely to me that Peter just meant to tell Hannah Ann of Madison’s departure and fumbled over his words in doing so. I’d LOVE to believe this mistake happened, though, and am open to being convinced, so convince me below if that’s what you think!
As the two do their final ITM together, Peter tosses out Exhibit D of Things Peter Says And Does That Make Me Cray™…
Add this to Love Letters of Great Men, stat!
GEE, THAT’S ROMANTIC. They’ve just gotten engaged and are walking off into the proverbial sunset together, and Peter can’t find better words to describe Hannah Ann and their unique love than the fact that she fit the bill simply by wanting him really badly?? For such a self-described hopeless romantic, and for such a Words of Affirmation person, dude should be better at gushing than this.
AFTERMATH
Back in CA, Peter sits down with his parents for a dramatic and drawn-out reveal of who his fiancée is, despite the fact that he could have easily FaceTimed them post-proposal, as other leads have done in the past. (The existence of this scene is proof that producers LOVE how dramatic and opinionated Barbara is and wanted to give her every ounce of airtime they could get.) In case there was any question of how eager to please his mother Peter is, this scene said it all, as it felt like Peter was a proud puppy returning from a (very long) game of fetch.
While I appreciate Barbara’s lack of ability to fake niceties or polite joy, the following reaction to her son telling them he’s ENGAGED was pretty dumbfounding…
No joy, not even a smile at hearing her son is engaged? It’s not good news unless it’s the woman SHE wanted him to pick? The above disturbed me so much I rewatched it a few times to make sure it wasn’t an editing trick. But Peter Sr’s appropriate excitement suggests this was indeed Barbara’s reaction, confirming it’s very much this woman’s way or the highway.
We cut to later, to what should be a happy couples visit. It rapidly becomes clear we’re about to witness another televised breakup. Having seen a few of these fairly recently (Arie and Becca Kufrin; Hannah B and Jed), we know what’s coming. Basically, surprising no one, Peter has struggled to give his “whole heart” to Hannah Ann. A key moment: when Hannah Ann tells Peter what he’s been saying about himself, that she TOO wants to be wanted as badly as she wants someone else…
The above really puts into perspective how selfish Peter is. Here he’s been so focused on RECEIVING love, of making sure he’s not left heartbroken, it would appear he never really took stock on what he could provide in return. It’s just incredible how someone whose MO all season has been “I just want someone who wants me as bad as I want them", yet how that has turned out to translate to: “I just want someone who won’t break my heart.” For someone who goes on and on about what a two-way street this is, he certainly doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain.
There were many things Hannah Ann said during this segment—IN THE MOMENT and not prepared!—that had me cheering for her. I loved that she said to Peter…
“I trusted you. And that’s what you have continued asked me to do: ‘Be patient with me. Have faith in me. Trust in me.’”
“Why didn’t you just let me go?”
“Sorry for what? … For not being true to your words?” (Note the contrast in this specificity with the vagueness of Peter’s response, “For confusing you… for having you have to deal with me.” You don’t get the impression he could zero in on exactly WHAT he did wrong, other than just generally break her heart.)
“You selfishly just didn’t want me to walk away.” (YES. #TRUTH. I love how clearly she put this. She recognizes his so-called conflictedness for what it is: selfishness)
“I just need someone who’s going to be true to their words. Not be torn and conflicted 90% of the time. It’s affected a lot of people.”
“I’m strong. I’ve been my own rock throughout this.”
Peter defended himself with the likes of: “I swear to god I never envisioned this…. I would never have done that to either of us.” “I never expected this.” “I never would have proposed to you if I didn’t feel that love in my heart.” While I get that Peter means well and he probably believes these words, this still isn’t taking full responsibility for his actions. What good is this information, of him having felt “that love in his heart”, if this is where they ended up? He’s defending his actions with base level “I didn’t know”s and an “I couldn’t have known”s. What Peter should have said, and what a true adult would have said is, “I shouldn’t have done this to you. I shouldn’t have proposed to you. I was wrong.”
AFTER THE FINAL ROSE
If there was any doubt about Hannah Ann becoming a favorite in the last several weeks, I think it’s safe to say she won everyone over by the end of this live segment. She was poised, articulate, and best of all, she OWNED Peter on every. single. transgression. he made and in how he made them. I loved how she was not remotely “woe is me”, but rather, she seemed to be doing just fine as she methodically picked apart his every mistake. From our audience point of view, given how painful it has been to watch Peter for the last few months, this was incredibly satisfying to watch.
Hannah Ann made a lot of great points and honestly I don’t have the energy to dissect everything, but my favorite line was: “Either you don’t mean what you say, or you don’t understand the weight of your words and how they impact people."
What makes this so great is that, as I said earlier, PETER is the one who has been the words and language guy. He’s the Words of Affirmation person, the one who has needed praise and validation all season. If a woman didn’t expressly use the L-word, he couldn’t believe she was invested. There was no reading nuance, no trusting his instincts; it has been as though he’s a robot who doesn’t receive information unless it’s delivered verbally. Thus, it was really a slam dunk for Hannah Ann to call him out, not for having been conflicted, but for his use of words and language throughout. As someone who’s so attuned to and reliant on words, you’d think he’d be more sensitive to them being used carelessly. As Hannah Ann rightfully put, she’s tolerant and understanding and intelligent—she could’ve absolutely understood his predicament had he shared with her his true thoughts. But what she had no patience for was his using that predicament as a get-out-of-jail-free card to say shit he didn’t mean. Being conflicted doesn’t give a person license to tell half-truths, to lie by omission, to lead someone on, to attempt to keep the door to a relationship open after ending it (as in, Peter calling Hannah Ann’s parents after the breakup to say he was merely “processing his feelings”). He evidently led Hannah Ann to believe that what they shared was WORTH fighting for, all the while justifying these only partial truths by being “conflicted”.
I wish I could say Peter handled this really gracefully…. I mean, he wasn’t terrible, but it was similar to the filmed breakup. It was a lot about HIM, how much it killed HIM to have done what he did…
It has always bugged me when people say they “have to live with” whatever crimes they’ve committed, particularly when it is said TO THE VICTIM OF THEIR CRIME. There is no need to make grand statements about how awful it’ll be to “live with” what you’ve done. Hannah Ann’s right: coming from Peter, statements like this are just words at this point. Do any of us think Peter will really be so tormented day in and day out for having taken this engagement from Hannah Ann? I don’t. It’s just fanfare to make him sound sorry, when a simple “I am so sorry” would have sufficed.
On the whole, while Peter did eventually agree with Hannah Ann and say she was right about everything, he was defensive at every turn along the way. The best example was when Hannah Ann accused him of downplaying Madison’s departure, saying she didn’t know what she was saying yes to, ultimately getting blindsided. Peter countered that he had had “only two days” to “grieve” that relationship. As much as I get what Peter was saying, this was a weak argument. After all, if he was 100% in on proposing to Hannah Ann—the choice he himself defended having made based on having “felt that love in his heart”—grieving that secondary relationship shouldn’t have been so big an issue. (If anything, you could argue he should have been relieved that relationship ended because it meant not having to break Madison’s heart.) In order for him to have been justified in proposing to Hannah Ann, he should have been less sad about losing Madison, period. As I shared on Here To Make Friends, a gem of Andy’s he dropped while watching this finale with me: If you’re in love with two women, you’re in love with neither.
In short, in defending himself, Peter routinely contradicted himself. As with the apology above, a swift “I was completely in the wrong” from the get-go would have done the job and gone a long way in making us feel like he has learned from his mistakes moving forward. I think that’s what irks me the most, how it doesn’t feel like Peter legitimately knows what he did wrong, what he would do differently with the lessons he’s learned. Peter defended grieving his relationship with Madison, he defended having proposed to Hannah Ann, he defended leading Hannah Ann on and relying on her as his “rock”, and he even blamed their demise partially on the fact this was a reality TV show. Learning a lesson doesn’t mean first giving excuse after excuse, only to admit defeat after you’ve exhausted your options. It means just saying “I was wrong.”
Note how even Madison doesn’t think Chris Harrison can tell her what she wants to know. It’s overstepping to such a degree that even Madison herself, as much as she wants to know as much information as possible, feels like she should probably be hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth.
If you weren’t already convinced that the show was hell-bent on pigeonholing this season’s conclusion into a happy, romantic ending, just watch Chris Harrison practically put words in Peter’s mouth...
Um, I am not convinced. That long pause, the way his eyes dart in all directions, followed by an expressionless “yeah”. He literally looks like he’s been told to play along, against his will. And really, what else could Peter have even said to the above? “No”? “I’m not sure”? There was no other acceptable response, just as there was no way out for Peter once the show began patching together a “happy” ending for him without his say in the matter.
I swear I’m not typically a Bachelor conspiracy theorist. I don’t believe in producer plants (producer pets are a different story). I don’t believe couples “faking” endings. I don’t think everything’s always production’s fault and I try really hard to remain objective. But that said, this ending felt VERY forced and VERY fake to me. I don’t blame either Peter nor Madison for this, as they felt like mere puppets in this. But seriously, watch Chris Harrison continue to force this narrative, this so-called love story. He is single-handedly steering this conversation, talking to Madison as though the man he’s speaking for isn’t LITERALLY SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HER…
We were told Peter and Madison hadn’t seen each other since that day in LA by the pool. To me, it’s clear they were intentionally kept from one another because a breakup would have surely happened before making it to this finale. (Now that we know in real life that these two HAVE broken up, I’m only further convinced of this.)
Again, what could Madison have possibly said in the above .GIF other than to agree that she too was “in love” with Peter? If she didn’t, she’d be the asshole. But watch Peter’s face as Madison says what’s expected of her…
Does that look like the face of a man who’s hearing that the love of his life reciprocates his feelings? Also note the wording on Madison’s part. The pausing, the stumbling, the way it’s always tied back to Australia and how those feelings “haven’t changed”. I swear, it’s like production is playing with them like Barbie and Ken dolls, holding them up for the world to see and forcing them to kiss and declare love for one another.
BARB
I’d be remiss if I let this recap pass me by without giving Barb the airtime she deserves. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say Barb was the lightning rod of this season, barreling onscreen in the last few episodes and stealing the show.
Based on the responses I’ve read online, it would seem I have a bit more heart for Barb than the majority of viewers. Don’t get me wrong: She was absolutely, indisputably, indefensibly terrible in the live segments. For a woman who is so driven by her love for her son, she sure as hell wasn’t afraid to humiliate him on national television. She didn’t explicitly diss Peter himself, but by grimacing every time Madison was onscreen, she showed no respect for Peter’s (supposed) feelings, his taste, his decisions. It’s as I mentioned above: Where the hell is the TRUST in the son she herself raised? Isn’t the whole point of raising children to eventually let them spread their wings, fly off to their own nests, and to respect their adult decisions?
At the same time, the schadenfreude-y side of me reeeeally enjoyed Barb. Perhaps a teensy bit too much. And I can admit this was surely in part due to the fact that I personally have not enjoyed watching Peter this season. (I’ll even go on the record in saying Peter is by far my least favorite Bachelor of all time.) In a sick sense, it was kinda sorta satisfying to witness his own mother give his entitled ass a smackdown on national television. (Is that terrible to admit? 🤭)
I’m sure the opinions on this will be passionate and varied, but to me, the key problem to Barb-gate is not her opinion, not her sharing that opinion, and not even her being as involved in Peter’s dating/sex life as she is. Every family is different and I’m sure there are MANY Barbs out there. The issue is the SETTING.
Growing up, something my mother always stressed to my sisters and me was the importance of keeping a unified family front. Even if we were in the midst of a screaming match, if a friend came and knocked on the door, we would suck it up, be polite to one another, and not make our drama anyone else’s business or problem. It is the respectful thing to do, to not humiliate one another for the sake of being stubborn or “right”. I didn’t think much of this when I was young; it was simply a family rule that we all upheld and I never really knew it any other way.
This is where Barb seriously dropped the ball. WHO THE HELL CARES if Madison didn’t do things exactly as Barb would have liked, if she didn’t apologize when Barb felt she should have, if she’s a terrible fit for her son, if she observes a different type (or strength) of religion, if she would ostensibly stop Peter from getting his rocks off until they tie the knot, if Peter would be making all the sacrifices for this relationship? Madison could be the devil incarnate, I don’t care—the bottom line is it’s not about Madison. It’s about publicly being a supportive family member, even if it means squeezing out an inauthentic smile or biting your tongue or saying nothing at all. I didn’t think much of my mom’s rule when I was a kid; it was just a no-exceptions, carved in stone, no-matter-what family rule. But now that I’m older I can obviously see why my mother stressed this, and I appreciate it. Watching Barb cast aside her son’s dignity on national television, in favor of defending herself (her bringing up the 3-hour wait was certainly in her defense) and being “right”, I’ve never appreciated our family rule more.
You know by now I go out of my way to only recap what we see on TV. I go to painstaking lengths to make clear that my opinions and insights are specific to the behavior we see on the show, hence why I so often say things along the lines of “I’m sure in real life Peter is XYZ”. That’s because, if I went on this show for 6 weeks, just as a contestant, and felt like the worst version of myself, I can only imagine how hard it is for the lead. I’m not speaking for Peter as a real life human or how his behavior in this very specific and manipulated environment represents his real life self. However, what Barb did at After the Final Rose, in my humble opinion, spoke to a larger problem. This isn’t a woman who was held captive and filmed for weeks on end. She doesn’t have the excuse of having lost her marbles slowly and steadily over the course of 2+ months. She knew this show was being filmed live. There was nothing she said on live television that she couldn’t have kept to herself for a few more hours.
IN CONCLUSION
Despite this painful season, I’m determined to end on a good note. We did ultimately get two people to root for, even if they didn’t come in the form of a happy couple: Hannah Ann and Madison were the real stars of this season. As we got to know Hannah Ann, she became the season’s poster child for self respect, inner strength and conviction, surpassing Peter by a long shot. She showed us what it looks like to hold someone accountable, dropping plenty of meme-worthy quotes along the way. Meanwhile, Madison was the one to call Peter’s “two-way street” bluff. In reminding us this was her decision and her commitment every bit as much as it was Peter’s, she leveled the age-old Bachelor power imbalance. We usually have to wait until The Bachelorette for a feminist voice—not only did we get that early this year, but we got two. Along with Hannah Brown, if nothing else, we can credit Peter for having great taste in women.
That’s it for Season 24! As always, my initial takeaways can be found over at Flare, HERE (Part 1) and HERE (Part 2).
THE FASHION
Requests
Just a reminder that if your request was for something I’ve worn or something worn by someone not from this season, it’ll appear in Shop Hub.
Peter’s Movado watch sells HERE.
Hannah Ann’s Kittenish dress is sold out. The best dupe I could find sells HERE.
Hannah Ann’s gown is by Bachelorette favorite Randi Rahm. I’m afraid I couldn’t find it on their site, nor could I find anything similar. :(
Lexi’s superdown top sells (on sale!) HERE.
Kelley’s Lovers + Friends dress sells HERE. There are decent looks-for-less HERE and HERE. (Also: in my search I found a fantastic mini look-for-less for Victoria F’s Episode 8 Rose Ceremony dress—the green Reformation one—HERE.) Nick’s Vince shirt jacket sells HERE.
Best Dressed
My runner-up for Best Dressed is Hannah Ann with her meet-the-parents outfit…
… Madison with her After The Final Rose look! It’s no secret that I enjoy a well-played neon moment, so I loved this bold yet thoughtfully executed choice. The dress is a bit different in a few ways (one shoulder, one sleeve, an embellished cuff, ruched), but it’s the color that makes the dress a risk and drives the statement home. With Madison’s dark hair, this color just POPPED on her and I thought she looked downright gorgeous. Would I have liked some sort of tousled low-do? Of course, but in general it seems Madison always wears her hair down. Further, her hair looked polished and done up enough to match the formality of the dress. Madison’s dress is by Sherri Hill but isn’t actually available for order yet—in fact, it’s so not available that I couldn’t even find a product shot of it online. I found a pretty decent dupe considering the specifics of this dress; it’s like a mix between this and Kelly’s wrap dress with the sash (above) and sells HERE. Her Schutz sandals sell HERE.
Worst Dressed
No Worst Dressed! Yay!
Thank you for following along with me and I look forward to your thoughts on this finale in the comments!
